How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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