3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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