Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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