DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
