Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
