this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
