my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
