Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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