Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
