So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
