she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
