i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
