i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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