He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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