It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sext me about skeletons
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
