I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
