No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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