I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder