I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
