Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!