I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
