Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.