All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
