i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.