Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.