it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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