they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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