It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
