new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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