I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
