he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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