my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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