Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
