Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
