how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize