i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
