some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
