bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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