oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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