Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
