I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
