Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
