You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
