nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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