im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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