She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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