Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
