I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
