last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
