Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
