the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
