Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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