For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
