He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
