bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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