I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
