So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
