In the future we'll all be gay
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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