I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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