what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
