she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
