They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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