Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
