the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
bring money and cleavage
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
