So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
