ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
