Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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