out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
