put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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