Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
