ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
