birth control should be required to get into college
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
