I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
