ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
