Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
