Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
