the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
