Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
