Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
