And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
