You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
