Im at strip club and am horny
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
