new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize