You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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