i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
