i was born a porn star she said
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
